June 8, 2012

Quick Nerd Rant # N-0-V8 4PPL3!!!

I am a Mac user.  Notice - not an Apple Fanboy, or a Cult of Mac follower - just a Mac user.  The iWork / iLife suites are incredible (for the most part - especially Pages!) and I love the lack of viruses, and that with Bootcamp, I don't have to "give up" Windows entirely (I got to get my game on sometime!)

So....  after 3 weeks of computer failure after computer failure after computer failure (all on the same MacBook Pro) - and spending more money to replace parts on this laptop than the average price of a BRAND NEW laptop... I feel the need to share some thoughts with Apple, Inc. ™©®....

I don't know what kind of vendetta Steve Jobs had against Blu-ray, but the man is dead.  Sad, tragic loss, I felt it myself.  But it's time to move on and let the healing begin.  I know you want everyone to buy all their media from iTunes, but not everyone does, m'kay?  And renting from Redbox is cheaper than renting from iTunes, and close to as convenient.  So, would you kindly ADD BLU-RAY BURNERS TO YOUR COMPUTERS FOR PITY'S SAKE PLEASE!  You charge 4 times as much for your computers, and Blu-ray *READERS* aren't even an OPTION?!?!  What the french, toast?

UPGRADE BLUETOOTH while you are at it.  They are up to Bluetooth 4.0 and you're still bragging about 2.1?  3.0 came out in 2009 for cryin' out loud!  As in THE DECADE BEFORE THIS ONE.  Please UPGRADE your stuff.

Also, UPGRADE TO USB 3.0! And while you are changing those USB 2.0 ports to USB 3.0 ports - let's add more than TWO of them, alright?  I know you all love your smooth seamless unibody frames or whatever - but how about we have a couple of ports ON EACH SIDE!  You had ports on both sides before (MBP 2006 I know for sure - since I just looked at it) - that was a Good Idea™®©.  Let's do that again, how about it?

And how 'bout we lose the Thunderclap or whatever that no-one-in-the-world-uses-it-but-Apple nonsense so-called "standard" is - and fraking use HDMI.  You've heard of HDMI, haven't you?  I'm sure you have because EVERY ELECTRONICS COMPANY ON EARTH USES IT.  (Including YOU APPLE - on the AppleTV er, sorry tv.)  But - hey - if you absolutely BELIEVE in the POWER of Thunderdolt - you can always have HDMI *and* Thumbsderjolt - there's room since, as I have previously shared with you - THERE IS MORE THAN ONE SIDE TO YOUR LAPTOP.

And maybe the iSight camera should be upgraded.  I would say what resolution it should be, but since you don't actually publish the resolution it is, I can't really say, you just call it a very vague "HD camera". I would say your $2K laptop should have AT LEAST as good a camera as you $99 phone.  So, 1080p at LEAST.  Oh, and a flash and/or a secondary (back facing) camera would be nice too.  Maybe hide it in the big glowing APPLE symbol since you are so worried about appearances.

And I really don't know why this would be a problem other than your Job-infected hatred for all buttons everywhere...  but let's end the madness and add another row to the top of the keyboard and the F-keys be stinkin' F-keys.  And you can put all your fancy dim/brighten mute/lower/raise volume, Dashboard, Exposé, Spaces, media keys on their own danged row.  Also - MAKE THE ARROW KEYS BIGGER. i know you are smugly proud of yourselves for cleverly fitting them neatly into the uniform outline of your keyboard... but seriously - FULL SIZED KEYS would be grand.

And on the subject of keys, maybe throw us bootcamp users a bone and put the normal, er um, Windows keyboard names on the function keys too, please.  K? thnx.

Finally - let's soften some of those case edges, big guy.  I mean, I don't want to sound like a wimp or anything - but sometimes typing puts my wrists in contact with the case edges, and it's not a pleasant experience.  I'm not saying I want the case to feel like pillows or anything - but something a few degrees more skin-friendly than Dull-Hatchet would be greatly appreciated.

I have been a Mac owner since 2006 - used them in my office for 4 years before that.  I have argued (and won) many arguments with Windows users about why a Mac is better, and why the seemingly huge price difference isn't really that huge - or even there at all in some cases - but since you DROPPED the MacBook line and have CHOSEN not to upgrade so many parts of your hardware... It is harder and harder to make that case stick - TO MYSELF - much less to other people.

So, upgrade ALL your components - not just the CPU.  Reintroduce the MacBook (non-air / non-pro) or some other "consumer" line (or at least "Pro-sumer").  And - to sound at least a little bit like a fan boy - Retina Displays on Laptops!  Also capacitive multi-touch screens.

And GET RID of that stupid pulsing white eye-burning LED that WON'T LET ME SLEEP when the computer is closed.  Seriously.  TURN IT OFF.

Thank you.  And keep up the great work.


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