March 16, 2009

ABCFamily SUCKS!

I'm done with ABCFamily - for good.

They had a show called Kyle XY. It was a good show with a weird Sci-Fi primmace. Without getting too involved in the plot, it was a classic story of an intelligent outsider who is seeing our world for the first time. Think English-fluent alien, super-IQ baby, Google-powered Robot who discovers beuaty and emotion and love for the first time. That type of thing.

Anyway, with any good story, there was drama, which means conflict. In this case, super-secret science organization. Think the Skulls meets the Masons meets Mr. Burns and Bill Nye the Science Guy. Secret super scientists try to play god, we get our thoughtful idiot savant superhero, and good wholesome TV insues....

Well, it was a bit complicated, and it never had the backing it needed to get good ratings... Plus, it was on ABCFamily. Name one ABCFamily show... At all... (Besides the one I'm talking about, if you can even remember the name of it.)

Go ahead, I'll wait......

....


...

You googled, didn't you? Admit it. Well, if you were able to come up with one, I'll wager it's either a new show within the last 2 years, a rerun of a show that started on another network, or it's off the air.

My point is, Kyle was doomed from the start. If it had been on SciFi (or Syfy as they are stupidly changing their name to), it would have at least stood a chance. USA could have made it work.

So the show is going off the air. And ABCFamily did one decent thing, they let us know that. They called the last 2 months or so of shows "The Final Episodes"... So they knew it was coming. I know very little about television production, so I can't say if the cast / writers / etc. had any advanced notice at all or not.

Maybe I just gave away why I'm pissed.

On tonight's episode the so-called "Series Finale" there was ABSOLUTELY NO CLOSURE.

If you watch the show and missed this episode stop reading now. Or not, I mean, how can they be spoilers if you don't ever get to know the outcome?

It's not like some ironic, dramatic, clever ending like the Saparnos where they end in midsentence. It's like there was a "To be continued" only... not.

Actually, it's more like they went to commerical break with about 5 more minutes of programming and they just rolled credits and went home.

So many unanswered questions. So STUPID of a plot twist to end the show on. Dramatic tension in no less than 5 subplots - and NO ANSWERS AT ALL.

Let me give you a list of unresolved things.

  • Main character is in a love triangle that just had the gauntlet thrown down on
  • Supporting character just finds out his college extracircular was using him to make an army of superclones
  • Supporting character's love-of-his-life moves to Cleveland (Yes, *THAT* Cleveland) and they just figure out this crazy thing called "The Internet" can keep their love alive [keep in mind, they met in an online video game, and are both teenagers who text, cell phone, email, chat, and web surf like professionals]
  • Super Secret Science Baddies (may or may not have) had their army of superclones destroyed by bacteria
  • Main character finds out that the not-so-trustworthy friendly face of the Super Secret Scientists (who, killed the mother / clone-donor of one of the corners of the aforementioned love triangle) May or May Not be his BROTHER (dum-dum-DUMMMMMM!)
  • Said maybe-brother is currently threatening to torture and kill everyone in the Main Character's life to get his cooperation the Super Clone Army's production
  • Said maybe-brother is currently (when they go to commerical and never ever come back) being held OFF THE GROUND, BY THE THROAT by the Main Character when he drops the "We's got the same MOMMY!" bomb
  • The 2 female points of the love triangle (who, of course, hate each other) have just formed the slightest of bonds, because they save each other's lives in the quest to end the Clone Army - protect Kyle's origin secret - and are current in danger finding this info
  • Will Kyle kill his brother?
  • Is it really Kyle's brother?
  • Did they stop the Clones?
  • Is the Society dead?
  • Will Kyle choose the girl of his dreams, or the girl that's basically like a clone-sister to him?
  • Do the girl's escape?
  • What happened to Kyle's sister's mom-clone's body?
  • Do cell phones work in Cleveland?
  • Where is Kyle's adoptive family?
  • Does college boy get the much-needed extra-credit for building those clone machines he helped (possibly helped) Kyle destroy?
  • Does Decland score with the blonde college chick?
  • Where the hell is neighbor dream-girl's parents?
  • Why didn't the dynamic duo of potential girlfriends JUST STEAL THE LAPTOP instead of going through a detailed how-to of "ghosting" the IP address?
  • Why didn't they just take the laptop after they got caught and bonked the bad guy over the head... twice?
  • How does a clone have a mommy and a daddy?
  • If a clone *did* have a mom and dad, if he's never seen his so-called mom, why would it matter if the bad guy was his half brother or not?
  • WHAT THE HELL WAS ABCFAMILY THINKING?
If you're going to just drop a freakin' show - just drop it. Don't build it up like you are giving the fans what they want and then just cut to commerical and never come back.

It's insane. I'm never going to let myself get invested in an ABCFamily show ever again.

Kyle, I don't blame you - or your writers. I'm sure you tried to answer as many questions as you could. If you had been given just one more show, or maybe even a hastily contrived extra 5 minutes, you could have come to some sort of conclusion, or at least let us know that you weren't given enough time to come to a conclusion. But having the ultra-nice clone holding a possible brother by the neck and then going dark... It's just not good.

What I'm *REALLY HOPING* is one of 3 things.
  1. The program director f'ed up royal tonight and skipped a segment of the show somehow - the last one - one that answers some questions.
  2. I f'ed up royal tonight and this is the next to the last show, or the season finale and not the series finale. (although I'm sure the last one isn't true - plus today was a Kyle marathon on ABCFamily, and it went to a different show after the neck thing.)
  3. Kyle XY Colon The Movie Film For Theaters And DVD And BitTorrent is coming soon....
But... other than option 1 - I really doubt it.

ABCFamily - you suck. stop being on TV. Now.

Add to any service

1 comment:

BlueG said...

Exactly! There is actually an interview with the writer on the ABCFamily website, kind of a "if we had several more years to keep making the show, this is what I probably would have done with it." You might check that out for some semblance of closure, but it won't erase the suckage. Sorry.