May 1, 2010
Ok, I just read (and I'm not kidding, nor was the article), that deals have been signed to make movies based on the games: Battleship, Candyland, and Monopoly.
I can see Candyland being some weird kid movie. But Battleship? I guess it could be some sort of war movie - an armada with stealth technology that only works when the ships don't move, idk? And it's too foggy for jets? Or there's a forcefield preventing them from just physically getting next to them? But following in the success of Internet control on Snakes on a Plane - I hereby DEMAND someone shout in that movie "YOU SUNK MY BATTLESHIP!!!" It must happen.
Monopoly? I mean... A bunch of rich people buying property? This ain't the 80's, that kind of thing won't fly anymore. Are people going to go to jail? Will they get out because they have a magic card? Will someone have to be an old shoe? Is some old rich dude going to get $10 for coming in second in a beauty pageant? None of this makes sense.
But, again, I hereby demand with all the power of the Internet behind me, the line "Do NOT pass Go! Do NOT collect $200!" must be uttered as the person is hauled off to prison. It must happen.
But see, someone had to PAY for the rights to make these movies. I think Hollywood is totally missing the Public Domain boat! They need to start making movies based on games that are so old that no one owns the rights to them.
I want a WAR! movie. No, not a war movie, a WAR! movie - like the completely skill-less card game where you endlessly turn over cards to see who randomly "wins". (Much like Candyland in that respect.) Make it something like that episode of Star Trek:TOG were with every flip of the card, millions of people have to die until one side is completely eliminated. It would be like a combination of "The Lottery" and watching paint dry.