January 22, 2008

It's Time for a Change!

I am fed up with American Politics! All these big shots inside th beltway don't have a clue what's going on in the rest of America. They know how to grease palms and play the game - but they don't know how to serve America - the REAL America. And so, as of today - I'm throwing my hat into the ring. I, Chad W. Smith, am announcing my independent candidacy for the office of the President of these United States of America!


Are you tired of career politicians who have spent years in Congress, or as governor, or Vice President, or some other office running this country? I sure am! We need an outsider - someone uncorrupted - untouched by the system. In other words, We need a complete n00b in the White House! Someone who doesn't have a clue what it means to be a "politician".

Are you sick of those snobs who graduated from Yale and Harvard and all those other "Ivy Leaguge" diaploma mills telling us what to do with our money, our children, our future? Heck yes! I graduated from a school you've never heard of with a 4 year degree - and it only took me 7 years to get it. We need an under educated "real guy" in the Oval Office - and that's me.

Can you take another minute of those boring speeches on C-SPAN about tax codes, constitutional rights, bylaws, precedents, referendums, habeas something, and other bull hockey legalese? NO! YOU CAN'T! And never can I! I don't know what any of that crap is even talking about - I'm just like you! I should be the freakin' President!

Does it bother you that the US Dollar has dropped in value by like, I dunno - 57% over the past, um, umpteen years - or whatever... Ah, crap, I don't even know why it matters - but I've got the solution. As Commander In Chief, I'll make the US Mint print a boat load more money, and that will mean more cash for Americans - which means we can buy more stuff. Who doesn't want to buy more stuff? And I'll cut taxes - because I hate paying taxes - and lower interest rates - and hell, I'll shut down the freakin' IRS! You know you want to vote for me!

Don't you wish we weren't at war? I wish we weren't at war. And I have an exit stategedy that will end the war and bring our boys (er, um men and women in uniform) home for good. I will bomb the hell out of Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, Morocco or where-ever else "terror" is - and we won't have to worry about it. You can't blow yourself up in a crowded building if I blow your ass up first! My foreign policy will be - my way or the highway - and by "the highway" I mean I will nuke your ass.

It is time for a change.

This message is brought to you by the committee to sponsor the friends of the supporters of the fund to get Chad W Smith in office. My name is Chad W Smith, and I freakin' WROTE this message - and proved it.

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Anonymous said...

I'll be your campaign manager .... oh wait ... independents don't have half a shot because they are out budgeted.

New plan ... win the lottery and buy a campaign with fancy tv ads and a tour across the country first.

Anonymous said...

Too much Red Bull? ;-)